This was a writing below I found saved on my computer when I recently lost a family member I was close with. I was searching my files for the topics of accepting loss. Loss is so different for everyone and how we move through it and forward is unique to each of us. I hope the words written below speak to you. If anyone knows who it is, please let me know.
“When we experience any kind of devastating loss, whether it is the loss of
a loved one, a dream, or a relationship, feelings may arise within us that
are overwhelming or difficult to cope with. This sense of grief can also
come up when we are separated from anyone or anything we have welcomed into
our lives. And while it may feel like we are caught up in a never-ending
spiral of sadness and emptiness, it is important to remember that the grief
we are feeling is not a permanent state of being. Rather, grief is part of
the process of letting go that in many ways can be a gift, allowing us to go deeper within ourselves to rediscover the light amidst the seeming darkness.
The emotions that accompany any kind of loss can be intense and varied. A sense of shock or denial is often the first reaction, to be replaced by anger. Sometimes this anger can be directed at your loved one for “abandoning” you; at other times you may feel outrage toward the universe for what you are enduring. And while there are stages of grief that people go through – moving from denial to anger to bargaining to depression to acceptance – the cycles of grief often move in spirals, sometimes circling forward and then back again. You may even experience moments of strength, faith, and laughter in between. While these emotions seem to come and go sporadically, it is important to feel them, accept them, and allow them to flow. With time, patience, and compassion, you will eventually find your center again.
As we move through our grief, we may find ourselves reluctant to release our pain, fearing we are letting go of who or what we have lost. We may even regard our movement toward healing as an act of disloyalty or giving up. Know that while the hurt may fade, the essence of what you had and who you loved will have already transformed you and forever stay with you. If anything, once you are ready for the pain of your loss to subside, their memories can then live more fully within you. Remember, that healing is a part of the spiraling cycles of grief, and that in letting yourself feel restored again, you are surrendering to a natural movement that is part of the dance of life.”