As a people pleaser, you may deal with anxiety and stress by the truckloads.
All the volunteering is likely burning you out. You probably don’t feel incredibly valued either.
Perhaps you already know that people pleasing is rooted in low self-confidence. Essentially, as a people pleaser, you draw your self-worth from others. For this reason, the habit of people pleasing ends up hurting you big time. And stopping this habit on a dime is hard.
Rather, take a deep breath and relax as you read my tips on how to give up this stressful habit one step at a time.
Give Yourself an Option
One enormous pattern to change right now is answering people right away. A hardcore “no” might not be feasible for you yet. And that’s okay.
So, do the next best thing and delay your response. When a person asks you to do something for them, tell them you’ll get back with them. Essentially, you’re giving yourself time to review how demanding this request will actually be.
More importantly, you’re creating a way out for yourself. It’s an easier blow than a straight-up “no.”
Turn the Timer On
Perhaps your big pitfall as a people pleaser is that you overextend your volunteer time. Meaning, you stay to help for far too long.
Not only does this take away from your own life or time with your family, but it also wears you out.
To help battle this, put a limit on the amount of time you can help. Tell the person you’re helping that you’ll only be available until a certain time. Remember to stick with it, too. Otherwise, you’ll be there forever.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
At times, it may feel that turning people down is the hardest part of stopping the people pleaser habit.
Keep in mind, the first no is usually the hardest one. To help with this, learn how to be empathetic when you turn people down. Rather than a harsh “no,” express genuine care while respecting your own boundaries at the same time.
It’s okay to put yourself in someone else’s shoes while still saying “no” to their request for help. In fact, it’s the kindest way to respect others and yourself at the same time.
Take One Step in the Direction You Want to Go
Rather than taking a gigantic leap in confronting a person, take smaller steps. And reward yourself with each step.
For instance, start greeting your annoying co-worker each morning. This will open the door to casual interactions, which will eventually lead to an opportunity to approach them about how loud their desk radio is, for example.
Confrontation can feel super uncomfortable. But when you slowly build up to your approach, it’s much less intimidating.
Realize You Can Do It Yourself
Here’s the twisted thing about being a people pleaser, you don’t actually need someone else’s approval for the way you live your life. It just feels good when others validate you.
But did you know that you can actually validate yourself? You can make yourself feel just as good as they do. In fact, when you harness the power of self-validation, your confidence level will skyrocket.
To help you validate yourself, examine your history and how much help you’ve offered to others. What you’ll likely find is that not only are you a great friend, but you are deserving of some much-needed rest, free of stress and anxiety.
If you’re ready to stop being a people pleaser, please contact me. I can help you establish healthy boundaries to get you off the “yes” treadmill for good.